Learning to say goodbye

I had a very long discussion with my CFR today and will say that I received a lot of clarity from our conversation and decisions were made with Ardella's best interests in mind. I feel my CFR had my interests and feelings in mind in addition to Ardella's.

That being said, this hurts to say, she's not coming back to us. Ardella does not have a health issue, but is very stressed in the kennel and when getting special attention. It's not horrible stress - she doesn't need to go home with anyone at night - but the kennel situation is very stressful for her and has just now started improving a little. Ardella is going to be spayed today or tomorrow and then will be going home with my CFR or another experienced puppy raiser to see if they can change any of her behavior. If so, she will be placed in another raiser's home. If not, she will be career changed and put up for adoption. I've learned that Labs are creatures of habit and so if Ardella came back to us, she would probably resort to old behavior.

My CFR feels this has been a stressful situation for us and she recommended starting over. It has been stressful, but that didn't stop us from loving Ardella. However, I have found that my biggest fear in all this was not just in losing Ardella, but losing the chance to raise at all. I feel invested in raising a guide dog puppy for a reason, not just to gain another pet, but to raise for someone who is visually impaired so that they can have some freedom. I've seen firsthand what these dogs can do and I want to continue to be part of the process. So, we are on a list to get a puppy off the puppy truck on September 8 (Lyn's birthday). I've asked for a black lab and I don't care about the gender. This gives us some time to grieve a bit and then start over. My leader says this is heartbreaking, but things will change when I have that next puppy in my arms.

We do get to say goodbye to Ardella. We'll see her at a time when she doesn't have to see us and then go back to the kennel. It will be in a few weeks. I really need to kiss her nose one last time!

Bethany, if you read this, can you tell Anna?