Ennui

Color is returning to the northwest, though sometimes it doesn't feel like it!

I haven't had much to say recently. Kristin is still struggling with relieving whether she's eating 1 time a day or 10, and I've reached a level of ennui. Sirens of change are beckoning and I want to be able to do what I want to do. Where a month ago I was going to fight to keep a schedule where I could continue raising forever, today I'm not sure I want to do this again.

A few weeks ago I was informed that I couldn't raise for GDB and work at the humane society. I suspended my humane society activities and missed them more than I anticipated. My sister wrote me and said that it was her observation that I was animated and enthusiastic when describing my humane society activities and that I only talked about problems when describing guide dog puppy raising. That was an eye opener. Then, I got some notices from the humane society for volunteer activities that sounded really attractive to me - fostering, taking an animal home for an evening to give it some extra TLC and relief from the kennel setting, bathing dogs, etc. So many possibilities and I absolutely love our shelter and love to promote their mission to others. Sometimes I think I'm in constant trouble with guide dogs for something like deer antlers (given to Ardella who is career changed) and that the rules and regulations have become so rigid that I feel frozen sometimes, especially when under scrutiny at guide dog events or club meetings. I'm getting performance anxiety!

I don't know where these feelings will lead me, but after Kristin I may be taking some time off from puppy raising and will up my activities at the shelter. The weather has been horrendous - rainy, windy, and cold - and when the sun comes out again I might have a different feeling about everything. I'm just open about a lot of things and I'm sure I'm not the only one questioning my feelings about puppy raising. I have a hard time thinking that I wouldn't go to club meetings or be part of the guide dog community - I also still obsessively check the litter list for new litters, so who knows. I just keep getting overjoyed at the idea of fostering puppies, being exposed to more dog breeds, socializing people with a potential pet, using positive reinforcement to train dogs, letting my dogs have freedom in the house and letting them play with toys, continuing Ardella's training with the goal of her being a therapy dog (perhaps even through the shelter's program), and just feeling like I'm doing something right instead of something wrong all the time! I'm definitely feeling conflicted!

I'm on a reading binge. Through Amazon I discovered the 2010 Edgar award nominees and I'm out to read all of them. I read The Last Child this weekend and couldn't put it down. I've never considered myself a mystery reader, but I think now that maybe I am since I own a lot of the books on the list! A Beautiful Place to Die was one of my favorite reads last year.

I'll leave with an amusing image - Lyn caught Theo and Willow napping with me last week.



I think this one looks like a two-headed cat:



P.S. I really do not feed Kristin 10 times a day - only once, I promise!